Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
