There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
