WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
