I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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