I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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