its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
