remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
