Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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