did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
