We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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