How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
