party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
