I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
