im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
