If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
