in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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