Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
