Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
