at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
