okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
