don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
