that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
