I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
