You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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