do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
