If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
