She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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