it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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