Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
