It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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