The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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