i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
