During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
