He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
sex in a hospital.. check
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize