Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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