I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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