I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
