Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
