It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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