Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Randomize
