i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
