1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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