Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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