I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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