At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
