everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
