You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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