apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
