Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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