I want a grilled cheese and an IV
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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