We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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