i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
