non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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