Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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