It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize