let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
