This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Of course I have a pirate flag
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
