Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
