What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize