I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
