just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
