I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
