Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
