You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
