sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
