whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
