Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
