Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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