There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
