I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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