Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
