u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
