It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
