Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I don't think brook has ever known best
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
